Friday, August 29, 2008

Golden White Light--Everywhere

Sitting on the couch reading to the kids. Tristan is ansy and I give him the 1-2-3 then give him his time out. Or I watch myself giving him his time-out. I see the time-out given. He is angry, I see that, and I feel that with any slightest bit of anger, I lose myself, I lose the sense of myself. I lose awareness. I never want to lose that. I feel it ebbs and flows.

I read to Elena and then went and got Tristan up--he was happy. We put on our shoes and went down to take out the trash. Outside, in the brightness of the day, I almost felt I was floating. It wasn't really the 'me' walking or the 'me' seeing. Cars, the reflections of light, form everywhere. Breathing. There.

Brought the kids to school, dropped them off in the industrial area. While driving I felt the total car presence with other drivers.

Then at the post office, waiting in line. Two women in front of me laugh, a man in front of them. The co-presence of a line can be the most beautiful part of the day. I noticed from a clock on the wall it had only been 15 minutes since I'd dropped the kids off. 15 minutes, and it felt like days, like an eternity, beautifully. I could have stayed in that line, as if on an island with these other lovely souls, forever.

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